Surgery is all set and ready to go for Wednesday. This morning was my pre-op appointment, which actually lasted until noon, and we are ready to go. My head is swimming a bit with all the instructions and information I was given. The bottom line is, no eating after midnight on Tuesday, and show up on time early in the morning Wednesday. Got it.
Last week, my daughter informed me she wished her Daddy and I had another little girl, "you know, a sister. I wish she had long, straight brown hair and danced like me so we could dance together." As she was telling Andy about this wish, I was preparing to go for a run, with my sunglasses firmly in place. She was speaking, and I found my eyes filling with tears because Wednesdays surgery guarantees no more children will come forth from this body. Since the day I found out this was the best option for me, hearing my daughter speak was the one and only time it has ever impacted me. It was just a moment, a sweet, passing moment. Before she finished her story, I turned and headed for the door saying, "I"ll be back shortly."
That evening I asked Andy how he felt about everything, if he was in fact ok with this situation. Granted, it cannot be changed, but I wanted to know how he was dealing with these events. He told me it was like so much else in life, either God is sovereign or He is not. Of course we sometimes want things to be different, but we trust God, we trust His hand in our lives, and we move forward.
Oh, my husband. Honestly, I expect no less of an answer from him. He is, in many ways, my rock. He is steady and constant, and God reminded me of that as I listened to Andy's response. This man that God brought into my life cares for me well, he cares for our daughter well, and he can be counted on. When I am teetering on the edge of emotional insanity, he reminds me of Truth, anchors me, and sometimes allows me to fly off the handle while he waits patiently for me to complete my tirade so that he can help steady me again.
Surgery is two days away, and I am already anxious to recover, begin working out again, and move on towards better health. Andy will have to remind me to slow down, to not get frustrated, to allow my body to heal. He will do what he has done the past 9.5 years of our marriage, he will be steady and strong, allow me to rest, and will be close by to help keep me steady.