"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." (1 John 5:14)
I know God hears my prayers, I know he sees me, and knows the things buried deep within my heart. I know this, but allow me to be honest, I do not always remember this.
I have written before that I feel like we have been in a season of preparation. While we see some of that unfolding, much of it still lies ahead of us. And it is good. No, we are not expecting another child, but we are expecting some great things to happen.
We have been praying, we have been learning, but doubts and fears have also crept their way into my mind. They have kept me from taking action when I believe that I should. Then, knowing I am not taking the steps I should, I became angry at myself and berate myself. I speak words that I would never allow my child or anyone else to say to themselves. I allow every negative voice to gain a foothold in the doorway of my belief and I am stifled, immobile, and paralyzed.
This morning, as we sat in church, having been through multiple discussions concerning what God has been laying on each of our hearts, I found myself praying, "Lord, I just want someone to speak a word to me, from you. I want to know, I want to hear. I know of others who have had someone approach saying, 'God wants you to know this..' and proceeded to unfold things only the person and God would have known. Please Lord, speak." No sooner had I uttered those words then the preacher stopped and said, "I need to stop right now because someone in this room needs to hear a word from the Lord, the Spirit is saying someone needs to hear this."
My heart nearly beat out of my chest and I found myself holding my breath.
The preacher went on to speak about fear and how it has a grip that it should not have, that we use an excuse as to why we are not taking hold of what God has laid on our hearts but it is really fear that is holding us back. We can call it what we want, but it is fear. He continued to speak and the tears began rolling down my face.
Only my heart could utter, "Thank you Lord. Thank you for hearing, for answering. For being so quick to speak to the things I have spoken to no one but you. With open hands I come to you and with open hands I release this to you. I will take the land to which you are calling me, and I will not stop. I will be strong and courageous."
I cannot recall having an experience like this before, at any point in my life. I have heard similar stories from others. But for me? It has never been so clear. God hears, he sees, he knows me. What else can I do but praise him?