I had this friend once who loved his family, adored them actually. Regardless of the circumstances, he did what he could to protect them, and himself, from any deceit or destruction. This friend longed for approval from God rather than man, and was thankful for the situations God led him out of. He was a man who strove for a righteous life, and one of honor. Was he perfect? No, but he could also admit his mistakes, ask forgiveness, and move on from there. He was a man who wanted to protect his children from following down some of the paths he himself chose as a young man. I remember this man as believing Mark 10:9: "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." But now?
He is a man caught in a web of lies and an unwillingness to accept fault. He is shouting out, "it's your fault!" for the choices he has willingly made. This man, who once honored his wife so well, has made choices that affect her deeply and are forcing her to walk through her own personal hell and he has changed the legacy for his children. He has become someone who is deceiving himself and leaving behind a wake of hurt and destruction. And, it makes my heart weep.
Is it just me, or does it seem marriages are under attack these days? I do not recall having so many friends be attacked by the affects of affairs, or maybe, I just wasn't paying attention. It breaks my heart, for the person choosing the action, and for those he affects with his actions. Have we become so self absorbed that we can no longer see that everything we do affects someone in this world? We cry out that we are independent, able to "do life" alone. But you know what? With each day that passes, I see that we are never independent from one another. We are too connected, it is the way we were created.
I wonder what leads a person to make such decisions because for the life of me, I cannot understand it. Even in the midst of struggle within my own marriage, I respect God, Andy, and my family too much. My respect for them supercedes my fleshly desires. In the end? It would never be worth it, regardless of the turmoil I feel. To solve one problem by adding another, well, it doesn't add up in my mind.
Clearly, I am far from perfect. I have my own battles my own struggles, and I am not trying to say I am above all of it. But the lives of others being rocked around me causes me to sit and take note, and take a deep long look at myself. What leads one down that path and not the other? No one is beyond making that choice, but for me, the vow I made to Andy, and more importantly to God, will not allow for that option. And, I wonder about the "why" because I want to protect my own marriage from this.
As I type, even now, I weep. I weep for the hardened hearts, for the turmoil, for the deceit that was bought as truth, for the justifications, and for the wake of broken hearts this all leaves. I weep for my friend(s) who have made this choice, and for the ones affected by it. I weep because it is just not how God intended it to be.
However, I also believe in hope. I believe that God can do a miracle, can break the hardened hearts, can restore relationships, and is certainly willing to forgive. "Come child, come to me," He gently says. But I wonder, will we go?
"Nothing makes us as lonely as our secrets" - Paul Tournier